Double the Hearts

Is it possible to like two people at the same time, equally?

It kind of goes like this, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”…

Here I am with the best of both worlds, on one hand I hold the sweetest guy in the whole world. He adores me, extremely loyal, super cute, and does his absolute best to make me feel like a princess. Things are just easy with us, we can spend a Friday night at home watching a movie, cuddled up, and call it a great night. There’s no drama, when he says he’s going to call he does, there’s no ifs, ands, or buts, he does what he says and our relationship is easy. But is it too easy?

On my other hand, I hold the most difficult guy in the whole world. He’s a mystery, he keeps me on my toes, surprising me with sweet gestures, then ignores me the next day, he’s got sexy written all over him. I know that if I get him to myself, I’ve won something big. He’s the chase, something that I’ve never experienced. He’s the bad boy that I get a chance to change. Yes, its not easy, but it’s exhilarating with him. So many girls are after him, but the nights he’s with me, he gives me his full attention. I never know what exactly he’s feeling, which makes it exciting, yet complicating. Is it too complicating?

The time will come when I have to make a decision between the two. I like them both because they both offer me different things: stability and excitement. But I know that this type of situation can’t last forever and a decision has to be made. I know what your thinking, RUN from the bad boy and CLING to the good guy…

What if I’m not ready to settle…a lesson can be learned in every challenge…do I take that chance?

Hearts Actions vs. Hearts Thoughts

Who ever said it’s the thought that counts, YET actions speak louder than words?

Just consider this, you meet up with a guy you are dating after he gets back from a vacation and he goes on telling you all about it. The whole time he was gone, he had only texted you two out of the five days, but he goes on to tell you that he missed you and thought about calling you every night just to hear your voice. Now in your head you can tell yourself, well he didn’t call ever, but it’s the though that counts, right? So he must really like you.

Now consider this, you meet up with a guy you are dating after he gets back from a vacation and he goes on telling you about it. The whole time he was gone, he had only texted you two out of the five days. He’s telling you about his time at the beach, and bars he went to, etc… yet he goes on to tell you that he missed you. However, he never called and only made an effort to text you a couple times. Actions speak louder than words, so he clearly didn’t miss you that much, right?

So here it is: we have the same situation, mixed with two very popular statements, and they are read completely different.

Which one do you believe holds more importance?

It’s tough to pick just one, for me I’d like to know that you thought about me, but I’d also like to hear it and see the effort as well. Maybe that’s me being too greedy, but I can’t say one is right and the other one is not. They both do hold some truth, but in the end a friendship or a relationship isn’t based on either of these statements, and if you are using these as an excuse to save a relationship, then it’s not a real relationship, because a relationship hold much more than thoughts and actions between two people.

Heart Full of Thoughts

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I saw this picture and I connected with it instantly. “What I said…. What I want to say.” How often have you kept your mouth shut in situations due to fear of confrontation, hurting someone’s feelings, or hurting your own? Realistically what are you hurting when you don’t speak up? What are the consequences of saying what you feel? I think if we made a list of the pros and cons to keep our mouths shut or sharing how we feel about something, the list would show the cons weigh heavier than the pros when it comes to not saying anything.

I’m probably most guilty of this. My mind runs a million thoughts per minute that at times I can feel my heart rate rising as I sit and contemplate each and every thought. I sometimes wonder if I said the things I truly wanted to say, maybe I’d stress less? Or maybe, I’d help someone who really needed to hear the things I’m too afraid to say to them, but it’s really exactly what they need to hear.

Now I’m not saying that we should all go out and say everything that comes to us out loud. There are times and places when some things should be kept only to your own thoughts, however, it’s not hard to read a situation and if you feel strongly about speaking up, and it’s only fear that is holding you back…it’s time you go for it! Don’t let yourself walk away from a conversation thinking…I should of said this or that…

Speak your mind (in moderation) and I believe you’ll find yourself having less regrets, more honest relationships with significant others and friends, and possibly even a job promotion.

The benefits could be endless…stop thinking and start speaking!

Hearty Kisses

Okay so we chatted a little about kisses and the meaning they hold, or used to hold in our days of innocence. Growing off that topic, how about the number of kisses you’ve had? And with who?

When I first ended things with my first boyfriend I was 17 years old, he was my only kiss. By then people had kissed 5 or more people and I’ve only had one! I felt so far behind. Finally, my 18th birthday past and my number still hadn’t grown. My girls would ask me if I was a good kisser and I realized only one boy had experienced a kiss from me, and he hadn’t kissed anyone else so what did we know about good and bad. I decided it was time to test myself and experience more. My second, first kiss, was terrible. It was with a guy I very much disliked, and after the kiss I just liked me that much less, but my number was gaining, so that was the positive side. Soon my number was jumping. I now look back and wish I hadn’t kissed those boys that our moments lasted one night. It was so pointless, I mean was it really that fun? Not really, my number is higher than I would like to share. I’d like to think that from now on I’m saving my next first kiss, to be my last first kiss. For that and only. No promises, but that’s my goal from here.

There’s No Heart Here

I’m scrambling…morning, afternoon, night…Next day. Where has all the time gone? Here it is summer, the time I’ve been waiting for, for so long in those gruesome winter months and it’s just slipping away from me. Here we are into July already and I failed to make 4th of July plans. Guess I’ll be watching fireworks alone this year. I’ve been so focused on weddings, engagement parties, wedding showers,  bachelorette parties, etc…no joke this month has been full of them! It’s not that I don’t enjoy them either, I mean I love weddings and social events, but right now I just can’t muster another dance to the Wobble or Cupid Shuffle. I can hug every bride I see and tell them their beautiful and I most defiantly mean it, but it’s become such a routine, I feel like a robot saying it. I can’t remember what happened at what wedding because they are all starting to blur together and no that’s not because of too much wine. I just want me time now. I have fun at these weddings and then after I sit alone thinking…when will it be my turn? Seeing the Bride and Groom have their first dance and just thinking someday…that’ll be me…right? I think I’ve reached my limit of weddings this year. Unfortunately I’ve got several more, that I know I will enjoy, but right now I just don’t have a heart to feel truly happy. I can’t enjoy myself as they have the married couples dance and the slow songs that are played between the party songs. I don’t mean to have a pity party for myself I’m just saying I’m getting to the point that maybe…just maybe…the wedding thing won’t happen for me. So please let me just enjoy my summer my way before I miss out celebrating everyone else’s great lives.

I promise my next post will be filled with more joy…till then…CHEERS to the freaking weekend ya’ll!

Happy Birthday America!! (4th of July) :)

A Heart Like Mine

These are the days I’d rather sit alone than be in a room with people I love. It’s nothing they’ve done to me to make me upset or mad or anything it all, I just prefer to be alone. I can be alone for hours and just think. I allow my mind to travel through thoughts of boys, relationships, jobs, friends, wherever it wants to go good or bad, I allow my mind to consider each and everyone of these thoughts and memories. Then I try to make a decision, who do I want to be?

I usually make pacts with myself like I’m going to be nice to everyone; I just want to love on people. Or I decide that I’m no longer going to talk to these people because they clearly bring me down. I even try to make decisions like I’m never going to drink again, but then I remember how much I love wine and well I don’t know if that’ll be quit possible, but I could limit it.

These are the times I breath in and out and decide to be a better person. It’s like a restart on life and who I am. I think these days can be important to everyone. You don’t have to sit alone like me for hours, but take the time to evaluate your life, before ten years go by and you wonder how you got to be here instead of there (where you originally wanted). I’m a firm believer that if you set your mind to something and work hard at it, you can accomplish it. It’s a matter of keeping yourself on the right track and never loosing site of your goals and dreams.

A Heart Moving On

The break-up happened. It was painful, you cried many times, and ate plenty of ice cream and chocolate bars to numb the pain, the pity party is over. So now what? Yes, your single, you’re “once” boyfriend is also single. Do you think he’s still in his pj’s on the weekend watching old romantic films with his best bud crying over you? Yeah I’m going to say no, chances are he’s out having a few too many drinks and his wingmen are throwing girls at him left and right. Sure they’re probably not the most fitting ladies for him, but that’s the way he finds relief and a chance to move on. So now you have a choice to make, you can either continue to sit at home and wallow in your pain of missing him, or you can let him go and get yourself back out there.

This was the battle in my mind for the past month as I ended things with my ex of three years (on and off) full of good moments, but plenty of bad ones also. I know it was the right thing to do, not a mutual break-up, but definitely with a mutual understanding. We were no good apart, because we both suffer from insane jealously due to lack of trust, but together…we were probably just as terrible. So in our stagnant situation, as a girl hoping for her fairytale, I knew I’d never get it with him, so time crumbled to the ending and the pieces fell into place and we were done.

So now here I am; young, pretty, healthy, and completely single. I’m a college graduate, so I won’t be meeting anymore college frat boys; I work with a small company, with no available men. I refuse blind dates (had a bad experience once). And my group of friends don’t travel too far that there are any boys remotely my type or that I’d even fathom dating…now what?

Starting over gives me stress, rather than excitement. I’m at the age where half my friends are married, a quarter of them are in serious relationships, and the rest of them are living up the single life to its fullest (not my cup of tea). So where do I fit in these categories? Just single…and alone…and pitied.

Here’s what I’ve learned though, rushing into a new relationship right after another isn’t going to cure me. Finding someone just to give me attention for the time being, knowing that he’s nothing like what I want in the long run isn’t the answer also. I’m not going to search for him. It’s as simple as that. I am still young; I’m healthy, and completely free. So I’m going to use this time to chase the dreams I’ve always wanted. Do things I’ve always thought about doing, and discovering who I really am inside and out. And I’ll bet my life on it that while I chase my dreams and do these things…my man will meet me, in the right place, at the right time, and when my heart is 100% ready for him.